Monday, March 21, 2011

See No Evil, Hear No Evil

 After rumours of people stealing dogs in our village, my husband Chris hatched out a plan last night, in case there was a potential burglar occurence, that him and I would work together to bring this criminal down.  This proposal was made when I was shutting the blinds in our bedroom and Chris wanted them left open. I reminded him that I liked the blinds closed to spare our neighbors from witnessing a "fright" while I was changing.  He argued that we would be more successful in preventing a crime from being committed on our property because we could see out our bedroom window in the middle of the night. "Your side of the bed faces the open window so naturally you would be the one to spot the intruder first and I could sneak up on him and take him down with my "MMA" (Mixed Martial Arts) moves," he plotted. He outlined every detail of his heroics beginning with the "take down", the placement of the "hooks" after he got him in a "full mount", wearing him out with his killer "ground and pound", and finishing him off with a "rear naked choke".  "It all sounds glorious honey." I yawned giving him a kiss. Of course I am familiar with this terminology as I am a UFC (Ultimate Fighting Championship) fan myself  and I am fully capable of using some of these moves considering on a normal day I am squirming out of an "arm bar" or a "Kimura" two or three times a day.  Most of the time I just "tap" so that I can get back to the laundry.  I must say that our dog Zeppelin is pretty good at his "take down defense" these days. Chris is very passionate about his UFC.

As we settled in and the lights went out, it didn't take me long to realize our plan was faulty.  Firstly, the only thing I could see was the orange blob, also known as the street light, that even if I squinted I couldn't see clear enough to identify it. The burglar could wave at me through the window and I would see nothing.  Second, my hero is sleeping within seconds after he hits the pillow and a freight train couldn't wake him up.  So I called our "stakeout" quits and shut the blinds. 

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